On a Friday afternoon...mid conversation...

Jimmy: ...My God, at first I thought you were going to write: "I tweeted RIP Columbo before he died." haha

Laurie: Hahaha that would have been awesome.

Jimmy: You would have been my little 'Angel...of death', haha

Laurie: RIP Jimmy's Joke.

Jimmy: It's this sort of negativity that's bringing down the group! And by group I mean me.

Laurie: The group of writers in your head?

Jimmy: It's quite a creative team, really. I keep them sharp by feeding them a steady supply of coffee crisp chocolate bars and LSD flavored Kool-Aid.

Laurie: Is the team hiring?

Jimmy: Always! The turnover rate is pretty high, haha.

Laurie: One of my writers was offended by something the other writers had me say. She wants to leave and I told her I'd see what I could do for her cause she is really good - could loosen up a bit - but her material is solid. I'd like to get her in where I know she would be given a chance and the opportunity to grow.

Jimmy: What line offended her?

Laurie: The one about having an abortion shower, and the various games, food and gift bags involved.

Jimmy: Haha.

Laurie: She drew the line at 'abort the fetus from the donkey'. My writers room is completely male now, but I have an offer out to Sarah Silverman so fingers crossed!

Jimmy: Are you saying that you have an entire room of guys inside you right now? Should I be jealous?

Laurie: Oh don't worry, it's completely professional. These guys could never get laid.

Jimmy: That's how it always starts, then the orgy commences unexpectedly...

COINCIDENCE:

Co-existing in Science.

Ex. I just posted a blog in which I referenced a time space continuum. Not hours later do I click a "I Can has Cheezeburgers?" tweet only to have this photo appear:

dun Dun DUN!

It's probably just me, but I find it far easier to remain positive when everything around me is going to shit. For most people I know it seems to be the opposite. One thing goes wrong and they think the whole world is crashing down on them - One tiny problem and just like that it's "FML". I hate that. I dont see why you can't keep your fucking head up, you still have neck muscles don't you? See there is  bright side to everything. I can be bubbly and hopeful when my life is shit and be there for others when things aren't going their way as well.

But then all of sudden things are great. Life is good. It's like a sonic boom went off and now everything is suspended in the air in, floating around in a state of grace. Why now, after all these years of remaining positive do I feel so negative? I float here in my time space continuum and watch everything around me as I wait for something to drop.

I'm not sure if I like floating. At times it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. Other times I feel confused. It can feel like purgatory. You aren't moving forward; you aren't moving backward; you have no idea how you got here or why you haven't been here all along; you love it but you hate it; you want it but you don't; it's non-threatening but you are still scared; it doesn't feel real, but then again, what does?

Life is excellent and I'm too afraid of falling to enjoy it.

Dear 20-22 year old Alicia,

I wonder what you are doing right now... if I was to go back in time that is. I had a strange visit from you tonight in the form of poetry, short stories and obituaries. I think you would be happy to know that after all these years you are still just as bizarre. I wish I could remember what inspired you and where you thought you would be now. Here. In the future...well present. I bet you would have never guessed this life for yourself. I bet you would have never thought you would be so funny either. I mean we've always been funny, since childhood, but c'mon, we're are amazingly funny now. We're kinda hot too. Oh and we have red hair. We also went blond for a short time. I know for a fact you didn't see that one coming.

The next few years will be a great learning experience for you, but it isn't until now, the present time, that you will finally start to feel what true happiness is. So don't get frustrated. I mean if I could go back and change things, take some things back, erase mistakes and people I would. But I think you need to go through it in order to become me, here, in this moment.

So I guess I just wanted to say thanks and maybe hang in there. Maybe there will be a crazy glitch in the internet world and a time portal will open up for a short amount of time that will allow current things to be visible to you. You'll just be sitting there on your live journal, searching other peoples live journals, and boom - you're linked to my blog, and you read this, and I blow your mind. Maybe later, in 2006, you will get a facebook friend request from our current self and we can tag each other in photos and chat. Maybe instead of current me finding past me, past me will find current me. Now every time I see a new message notification I will take a deep breath and click it wondering if it's you.

Talk soon.

Rocket science

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

• a complex or difficult mental exercise or field or study, used frequently in an ironic sense to suggest that a task should be easy or simple because it is not rocket science

"I've learned so much about myself in the last few hours. I've updated my facebook profile accordingly."

Babies Gallore!

 Both of these dreams occurred back to back on morning of January 5th 2011.

DREAM #1:

I am at Ash and Pat's place. This must be in the future as they have a set of 1 year old triplets. I am sorry to say but these were very ugly babies. They looked like little old unshaven men. Squinty eyed and squishy cheeked. They have asked Ami and I to babysit. I didn't feel comfortable because for some reason I feel like these babies are evil.

Ami isn't helping me because she is on the computer doing dirty cyber things with Andrew and another chick named Bianca. I'm not going to lie, I may have peaked around the corner to see what they were doing...

Anyway, these babies were getting into everything. I was trying very hard to keep up with them but I was failing miserably. I gathered them all up and we were standing at the top of the stairs. There was a baby gate but it didnt seem to matter because one of the babies pushed me through it and I tumbled down the stairs.

There I was laying there, staring up at their evil old mannish grins. Suddenly one baby threw himself down the stairs. the other two smiled and I knew they were getting ready to do the same. I screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" but it was too late, the other two came tumbling down. I knew that this was their plan to get Ami and I in trouble. I couldn't let them get away with it. So I crawled my way up the stairs screaming for Ami. Finally she came to my aid. She looked down at the bloodied limp baby bodies at the bottom of the stairs and screamed out "gahh! what did you do?!"

Ami helped me up the stairs. As I searched for a phone to call 911, Ami got on the computer and went to a site called 911 online. It made us answer 73 multiple choice questions before telling us that our best option would be to call 911. Ami laughed. I didn't think is was very funny. My main concern was not getting Ash and Pat mad at us. But it was too late. We hear the car door.

Ash and Pat come in and Ami and I try to explain. They look down and see their poor children dead at the bottom of the stairs. I close my eyes and wait for Ash to smack me. Except she starts laughing. I open my eyes to see both Pat and Ash cracking up. "What the hell?" I ask. "What?" Ash said "You thought this was our first set of kids?!" "Yeah" Pat added, "We accidentally kill our kids all the time. Now Ami, show me a pic of this Bianca Chick"

Ash put her arm around me and told me it was okay. "I know what will cheer you up" she said, "I'll show you where we hide the bodies!"

END.

DREAM #2:

So for some reason it is the early 1900's and Andrea, Ryan, Nick, Ami and I are in an old wagon being pulled by horses. It is winter and it is freezing. We believe Andrea is going into labor but she seems okay for now. However, Ami has contracted some bizarre disease and her eyes have started to bleed.

Our wagon gets stuck in the snow and we are forced to walk. I don't even think we have an actual destination but Ryan seems to know where he is going and we all trust him. Suddenly Andrea falls to the ground. Nick yells "This is it!" and whips out his rubber gloves.

With Ryan and Nick managing the child birth, I turn around to check on Ami, but she is gone. There is a trail of blood going behind some trees. I follow it slowly and cautiously. I call out softly "Ames, you okay?". The only thing I hear are Andrea's blood curdling birthing screams. As I come around a group of trees, the blood trail stops. I can't see anything other than white as the wind picks up. I turn to go back and hear a crack from above. I look up to see Ami in the tree, her face has bent completely out of shape and is covered in blood. She growls at me and jumps down. Now I am the one letting out the blood curdling scream.

Ryan comes running as Nick has his hands full of baby and placenta and Andrea wasn't going anywhere. He sees ami attacking me and throws her off. But Ami is oddly strong. She throws Ryan up against a tree and looks at him like she is about to rape him. She bites him hard in the thigh. I run at Ami and stab her through the eye with a sharp dentistry tool I found in my pocket. She is dead and her bottle fizzles away as though it had just been covered in acid. Ryan isn't looking too good.

We re-join the others. Nick uses my dentistry tool to cut the umbilical cord and hands the baby to Ryan. He gathers up all the gross flesh matter that came out of Andrea because he says we can use it as bait to trap animals later. Ryan says we can just eat it ourselves. Either way, fleshy matter in tow, we continue on our journey.

Several hours later Ryan is looking pretty rough, so is Andrea. We thought it was from giving birth but then her eyes started to bleed like Ami's. I wonder if it had anything to do with not properly sterilizing that dentistry tool? Oh well, that'll teach you to let Nick birth your baby in a snowstorm in the early 1900's. Anyway, after a while Nick and I notice that Andrea and Ryan are no longer behind us. We look back and sort of see them rolling around in the snow. It looks like they are making out hardcore. We walk back to them to tell them to knock it off and that we have to keep moving. As it turns out, they were not making out, but rather eating each other alive. The baby lays in the snow next to them screaming. We grab her and start to run.

Finally we reach a town. We dont have any money or skills, other than the ability to stab people and deliver babies. Nick decides to spread the word that the baby was an immaculate conception, so immaculate that it left no marks on me and that he was the miracle baby delivery god. This allowed us to open up a business. I ran a store up front where I sold memorabilia such as the placenta and the dentistry tool and the shoppers could get their picture taken with God's baby girl. Nick delivered babies in the back and got to play with vaginas all day long.

Livin' the dream! Oh and I don't know why, but we named the baby Sollaria... I've never heard of that before.

END.

We are two days away from a new year...

Looking back on this past year I can honestly say that I have accomplished a great deal and put myself on the right track to achieving some of the goals on my career path; however, these accomplishments were not really enjoyed. I experienced a lot of difficulty in my personal life.

I have been so terribly unhappy when I should have been ecstatic. I changed. I used to be happy, and fun and positive... I think. This past year something died inside me and I have felt like a careless robot, just going through the motions day after day. The only feelings I had really felt were fear and disappointment. I was tired of it, so I did something about it. I turned my life upside down and inside out. I realized I cannot fix everything that is broken. I'm not a robot. The only thing that I can fix is myself, and so the healing process began.

 Two months later, two days before 2011, I sit before you oh wise computer machine, and vow to you my new years resolution: Live.

I will be me and not apologize for it anymore. I will go on the adventures that I want to go on and experience new and wonderful things. I will push forward with my career. I will laugh with my friends. I will find new ways to enjoy time with my family. I will start new traditions. I will take good care of myself and others that are important to me. I allow myself to feel  - both good and bad. I will love and I will allow myself to be loved in return.

It's starting already, I feel the spark deep inside of me - watch me turn it into a fire. 

I hate waiting. Waiting causes me to be bored and boredom leads to me being unhappy. Unfortunately life is filled with waiting, and now that we are approaching winter it just gets worse.

At Work:
Waiting for scripts
Waiting for confirmations
Waiting for approvals
Waiting for booking sheets
Waiting for deal points
Waiting to go home
Waiting for this show to end
Waiting for the next show to start

At Home:
Waiting for dinner
Waiting till the last minute so we don't pack things we might need to use before we head home for the weekend
Waiting for friends and family to confirm plans
Waiting for Carey to get responses on his work
Waiting for Carey to give me responses to my questions
Waiting for Thursdays plans
Waiting for Fridays plans
Waiting for Saturdays plans
Waiting for Sundays plans
Waiting for Mondays plans

Back to work:
Repeat all
Waiting for the weekend

Overall:
Waiting for my allergy shots to come in
Waiting for Halloween
Waiting for Birthdays
Waiting for Christmas
Waiting for the next career move
Waiting to move into a bigger place
Waiting for Summer
Waiting to move forward or move on

These are all the things I am waiting for yet I don't just sit and wait. I do things to pass the time, to drive things forward, to make it more rewarding when it comes.

I don't like to wait. Ask people and they will tell you that I get bored and anxious and start to have mood swings. I like to takes steps to make things happen, move on to the next thing. I get very impatient with people who aren't like that, the people who just sit and wait. Waiting feels lazy. Life is too short. If you wait too long you might miss something.

Yet here I am, wasting precious moments blogging about waiting, and why? Because my hands are tied and I can't make my next move till others make theirs. So I need something to do while I wait.

Synopsis: Barbara fights for her life against corpses as they rise from their graves, graves like the one Sean Penn is fearing as he faces his last days on death row. "Their coming to get you Barbara...you too Sean"

Answer: Night of the Living Dead Man Walking.

Thursday

Obviously GREY'S ANATOMY is on my list. I was hanging on by a thread through seasons 5 and 6. I could have dropped it at any time. But I am very glad I didn't. I absolutely loved the finale last season and I am determined to see this next one through. I recommend seasons 1-3 for sure if you are a Grey's noob. If you were a fan and went your separate ways, come on back and see it through. You know you want to.

PRIVATE PRACTICE - Drop it. I love Addison, I followed her to L.A., I was with her through all the crap and now I've had enough. I don't recommend it. 

If you have been a fan of THE OFFICE from the beginning then you will continue on for now. Will you continue once Steve Carrell departs? That I do not know. I like The Office, I recommend it, but I don't judge you if you want to jump ship.

Friday Night Death Slot

As a fan of NYPD Blue, I approach all cop dramas with caution. There are so many on and it is overwhelming and sometimes quite annoying. Carey has written a cop drama and honestly I laid into it pretty hard. I tore those first few drafts apart with the same hard criticism I give to all other cop shows. That is what I was expecting to do this week when we watched the first three episodes of BLUE BLOODS - previously known round these parts as "Reagan's Law" - But I was pleasantly surprised. I quite liked this show. Now I dont know if that had anything to do with my expectations being lowered by the epic failing of Detroit 1-8-7, but I am sticking with it. Donny Wahlberg is impressive - I often forget that he was in Band of Brothers (only because there were so many characters and they were all phenomenal). Three generations of cops in the same family, fighting crime in NYC. It feels like it's been done before but give it a shot because it is actually quite enjoyable. I opt to move it from the death slot and give it a nice spot of 10pm on Mondays (replacing Chase).

Side Note: Carey took the criticism well and cut a lot of the crap and added more quality. He now has two episodes of MEASURE OF MEN written and has a solid arch outlined for the rest of the season. It is very well done and I am extremely proud of him. It will not be another run of the mill cop drama.

Honorable Mention goes to MIKE & MOLLY - an overweight cop meets an overweight teacher at an Over-eaters Anonymous meeting and they fall in love. It's funny and adorable and was picked up for a second season. It does not fall as a high priority for me but I enjoyed it and will probably watch it casually.

Move bitch get out da way: OUTLAW - Sorry Jimmy, you tried, I know you did. You are just not strong enough to hold a show on your own and unfortunately that is what you are doing because everyone else is lackluster. So you had a good run on Season 3 of Dexter. It's over. Maybe if you're lucky they can give you a guest spot on Blue Bloods, I'm sure Nick Turturro would be happy to see a familiar face.

DETROIT 1-8-7 I almost don't even want to talk about it. Seriously? You can't try to be The Wire and at the same time treat your audience like idiots. We don't need basic terms explained to us. We get it. Move on with the story. Of course the new cop gets shot on his first day at the same time his phone rings to tell him his wife is in labor. That last scene was all you had going for you and it wasn't enough. Please kill James McDaniels off so that he can also join the cast of Blue Bloods and not have to go down with your sinking ship. PEACE OUT.

I'm am still very much looking forward to THE WALKING DEAD which premieres on Halloween and also the HBO series LUCK which will premiere next year and is written by David Milch.

So that's it. Stay tuned, or don't, it's up to you...

So this morning I woke up in a Jello factory, covered in lime Jello and fighting my way through zombies.

It's been days. At least I think it has. My once-white tank top has been soiled brown by a mixture of unknown fluid spatter. I am drenched in sweat. I notice this because it looks awesome on my perfect dream-world biceps.

I have a shot gun, and admittedly I have no idea how to use it. I seem to remember Carey screaming at me to turn off the safety when we were previously under siege. I did not know where the safety was so I just used it like a baseball bat to beat them all down. I have continued with this method and right now he doesn't seem to be complaining.

Carey is running quite a ways in front of me. He is hitting the zombies down as he goes. He is yelling at me to catch up but I am distracted by the thought that I am forgetting something important. Is it a way out? Was I told and now I can't remember? I don't remember why we are going in this direction and it is confusing me. I just hit Shira's face into a wall. Was that Shira? It felt like Shira but didn't look like her. Actually, all the zombies feel like people I know, but they dont look like them. I guess that's what it would feel like in reality.

Carey runs to a large steel door. There are people inside and they are screaming. He is trying to open it, but it must be locked. I see a zombie that has my blackberry. It is mashing all the buttons and trying to to make a long distance call. I can't afford this so I run at him...but I trip and fall. The gun goes off and the zombie's head explodes. That was pretty cool, but now my phone is in a million pieces. I am furious because I have just lost all my contacts. I whine at Carey - "How is Joanna supposed to bbm me now?!". He tells me to stop dicking around and yells at me to bring him the fire extinguisher off the wall. I can't figure out how to get it off the wall. I'm laughing because this is ridiculous but he doesnt find it very funny. He comes over and gets it himself then violently beats the door with it. Finally the door opens.

At least 20 people are inside and try to run out. They are all screaming. Carey sees a pack of zombies, doubling our numbers, heading right for us. He yells at us all to get back in the room. A blonde girl runs out and right into the pack. They begin to eat her in slow motion. I watch as Carey forces everyone else back in the room. Then suddenly I remember. He tells me to get in and I tell him no. He asks me why and I say it's because I'm the one who locked them in. He asks me why I would do that,  I tell him it's because these people are stupid and I don't like them. He says "Oh". He closes them in and I press a button that incinerates them all. This distracts the zombies and they start moaning something about barbecue ribs.

We run and find the exit. We step outside and are about to run to freedom when I stop and inform him that I have to go back. He replies "What?! Are you crazy? Why the hell would you have to go back?".

I forgot my shoes.

I sit here at work daydreaming of you and I,
fighting crime in future spacetime,
slaying our opponents and getting oozed in our face,
in our attempt to free the enslaved alien race.

Then it's back to our cave for a celebratory soiree,
drinking future beer we taze each other til the light of next day,
but the war is not over-though we fought the good fight,
we will sleep with one eye open on every future night.

Sara,

Everytime you come into my cafe my heart stops. A lump forms in my throat, I can't swallow... Although that may be Wayne's cinnabuns... but I don't think so, it is you.

Sara, you look so good, when you come in and order your coffee... with your hangover and grumpy face...I just want to say I love you.

Have a nice lunch. I'll be dreaming of you devouring me like a sundried tomato,

--Kevin


-------

This was found in a desk at work.

Dear Blog,

I am sorry for not paying attention to you. I have been so busy at work and then when I do log on I get distracted by all the other blogs I follow. It's no excuse.

You'll be happy to know that have taken a step back from facebook. We were moving too fast. I am ready for a firm commitment to you now.

All of my love and hugs,

A.

P.S. I will dream about you tonight.

COBRA: Hey, who would play you in a movie?

ME: What movie?

COBRA: The movie of your life.

ME: What's it called?

COBRA: It could be called anything, it doesn't matter.

ME: It matters.

COBRA: Who would play you?

ME: I don't know, I'm not casting it.

COBRA: Can I cast it?

ME: It's not up to me, it's up to the exec's. I didn't even know this movie was being made. I obviously have no creative control. Who would you cast?

COBRA: Sarah Silverman.

ME: That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

COBRA: Really?

ME: You got the job!

COBRA: ...But it's not up to you, it's up to the exec's.

ME: Screw the exec's!

Then we broke out our team awesome dance routine.

Sometimes I need a good ridiculous conversation to really pick me up.

I am not going to bother with a lead in, it's better this way.

Cobra: See, now if I were to have a child with this espresso machine, I wouldn't care if we weren't together...

Me: As long as you could have a cup of coffee every now and then...

Cobra: Haha, I don't drink coffee, but thats not the point.

Me: Well that's why you wouldn't care if you weren't together. You didnt even appreciate her when you had her.

Cobra: THE POINT is, if we had a child and we weren't together I wouldnt care. But I would care if my kid didn't live with me.

Me: He'd have your hair.

Cobra examines the machine.

Cobra: Haha what are these tubes?

Me: Fallopian tubes. Apparently she is a child bearing machine.

Yesterday our printer broke. We ordered a new one that was due today between 9am and 5pm. This new printer is multifunctional so that if our fax machine goes we will have a back up. Well our fax machine went alright. With those two devices down, we weren't able to get any work done before the new one's arrival. It ended up being delivered around noon and Cobra and I scrambled to get everything installed.

We decided it would go in the boss' office in the place of the fax machine. It came with 3 manuals, not one of them English. We tried to install the drivers for about 30 minutes before I concluded that the new system in the boss' office is a mac and it's possible that this printer's drivers can only be installed on a PC. We carried the massive machine into my office and set it up where the old printer used to be. As it turns out, I was right. Problem is, this older PC is very slow. By the time we got everything set up we had to scramble to get  the important documents printed.

The boss came back from a meeting and needed to fax some things. Unfortunately there was is no fax line in my office. So we pick it up and move it back to the boss' office. After several failed attempts to send the fax, she decides that she doesnt want to worry about that anymore and that we need to get the other things done. This would require printing. We did not have any time in the chaos to set up the network. So once again we carried the machine back into my office to print the documents.

This song and dance continued through to the end of the day. In fact, the network is still not set up, so I can only imagine how fun it will be to do this little again dance first thing in the morning. Oh, and that old broken printer will have to be taken down to the basement....

{Word Alert!}

Today a character in one of our breakdowns was described as "neolistic". What the fuck is "neolistic" you ask?

When it comes to the entertainment industry, whether the environment is large or small scale, never say anything about anything out loud. Someone will always over hear you and 90 minutes later you will be asked why you said the things you said by the person you never wanted to know you said it. Word spreads fast.

Also, those in dominant roles can be very mean. I don't know if it is so much who they are as it is them trying to maintain control and gain respect. Personally, I don't care if someone is a complete asshole. If they are good at their job then I can put up with it.

These are common issues that I find to be sensitive in small work environments. So how do you avoid them? Vanilla.

Cobra and I, who seem oddly alike, have devised a plan. In order to avoid becoming a part of anything unpleasant in the office, we will appear to be very dull people. Never excitable or stressed, never too happy or sad, rarely laughing. Just basically doing our work and giving generalized responses like "oh really? That's too bad" and "I'm sure anyone would feel that way."

Going out of our way to appear boring has actually been very entertaining. It also seems to be working. It's only been 2 days but already the stress levels in the office seem more controlled. I feel that it is important for this experiment to continue.

We have created a cure to drama, and that cure is vanilla, it's Cobra and Me to the rescue!