Scribbles

So this morning I woke up in a Jello factory, covered in lime Jello and fighting my way through zombies.

It's been days. At least I think it has. My once-white tank top has been soiled brown by a mixture of unknown fluid spatter. I am drenched in sweat. I notice this because it looks awesome on my perfect dream-world biceps.

I have a shot gun, and admittedly I have no idea how to use it. I seem to remember Carey screaming at me to turn off the safety when we were previously under siege. I did not know where the safety was so I just used it like a baseball bat to beat them all down. I have continued with this method and right now he doesn't seem to be complaining.

Carey is running quite a ways in front of me. He is hitting the zombies down as he goes. He is yelling at me to catch up but I am distracted by the thought that I am forgetting something important. Is it a way out? Was I told and now I can't remember? I don't remember why we are going in this direction and it is confusing me. I just hit Shira's face into a wall. Was that Shira? It felt like Shira but didn't look like her. Actually, all the zombies feel like people I know, but they dont look like them. I guess that's what it would feel like in reality.

Carey runs to a large steel door. There are people inside and they are screaming. He is trying to open it, but it must be locked. I see a zombie that has my blackberry. It is mashing all the buttons and trying to to make a long distance call. I can't afford this so I run at him...but I trip and fall. The gun goes off and the zombie's head explodes. That was pretty cool, but now my phone is in a million pieces. I am furious because I have just lost all my contacts. I whine at Carey - "How is Joanna supposed to bbm me now?!". He tells me to stop dicking around and yells at me to bring him the fire extinguisher off the wall. I can't figure out how to get it off the wall. I'm laughing because this is ridiculous but he doesnt find it very funny. He comes over and gets it himself then violently beats the door with it. Finally the door opens.

At least 20 people are inside and try to run out. They are all screaming. Carey sees a pack of zombies, doubling our numbers, heading right for us. He yells at us all to get back in the room. A blonde girl runs out and right into the pack. They begin to eat her in slow motion. I watch as Carey forces everyone else back in the room. Then suddenly I remember. He tells me to get in and I tell him no. He asks me why and I say it's because I'm the one who locked them in. He asks me why I would do that,  I tell him it's because these people are stupid and I don't like them. He says "Oh". He closes them in and I press a button that incinerates them all. This distracts the zombies and they start moaning something about barbecue ribs.

We run and find the exit. We step outside and are about to run to freedom when I stop and inform him that I have to go back. He replies "What?! Are you crazy? Why the hell would you have to go back?".

I forgot my shoes.

I sit here at work daydreaming of you and I,
fighting crime in future spacetime,
slaying our opponents and getting oozed in our face,
in our attempt to free the enslaved alien race.

Then it's back to our cave for a celebratory soiree,
drinking future beer we taze each other til the light of next day,
but the war is not over-though we fought the good fight,
we will sleep with one eye open on every future night.

Sara,

Everytime you come into my cafe my heart stops. A lump forms in my throat, I can't swallow... Although that may be Wayne's cinnabuns... but I don't think so, it is you.

Sara, you look so good, when you come in and order your coffee... with your hangover and grumpy face...I just want to say I love you.

Have a nice lunch. I'll be dreaming of you devouring me like a sundried tomato,

--Kevin


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This was found in a desk at work.

Dear Blog,

I am sorry for not paying attention to you. I have been so busy at work and then when I do log on I get distracted by all the other blogs I follow. It's no excuse.

You'll be happy to know that have taken a step back from facebook. We were moving too fast. I am ready for a firm commitment to you now.

All of my love and hugs,

A.

P.S. I will dream about you tonight.

COBRA: Hey, who would play you in a movie?

ME: What movie?

COBRA: The movie of your life.

ME: What's it called?

COBRA: It could be called anything, it doesn't matter.

ME: It matters.

COBRA: Who would play you?

ME: I don't know, I'm not casting it.

COBRA: Can I cast it?

ME: It's not up to me, it's up to the exec's. I didn't even know this movie was being made. I obviously have no creative control. Who would you cast?

COBRA: Sarah Silverman.

ME: That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

COBRA: Really?

ME: You got the job!

COBRA: ...But it's not up to you, it's up to the exec's.

ME: Screw the exec's!

Then we broke out our team awesome dance routine.

Sometimes I need a good ridiculous conversation to really pick me up.

I am not going to bother with a lead in, it's better this way.

Cobra: See, now if I were to have a child with this espresso machine, I wouldn't care if we weren't together...

Me: As long as you could have a cup of coffee every now and then...

Cobra: Haha, I don't drink coffee, but thats not the point.

Me: Well that's why you wouldn't care if you weren't together. You didnt even appreciate her when you had her.

Cobra: THE POINT is, if we had a child and we weren't together I wouldnt care. But I would care if my kid didn't live with me.

Me: He'd have your hair.

Cobra examines the machine.

Cobra: Haha what are these tubes?

Me: Fallopian tubes. Apparently she is a child bearing machine.