On a Friday afternoon...mid conversation...

Jimmy: ...My God, at first I thought you were going to write: "I tweeted RIP Columbo before he died." haha

Laurie: Hahaha that would have been awesome.

Jimmy: You would have been my little 'Angel...of death', haha

Laurie: RIP Jimmy's Joke.

Jimmy: It's this sort of negativity that's bringing down the group! And by group I mean me.

Laurie: The group of writers in your head?

Jimmy: It's quite a creative team, really. I keep them sharp by feeding them a steady supply of coffee crisp chocolate bars and LSD flavored Kool-Aid.

Laurie: Is the team hiring?

Jimmy: Always! The turnover rate is pretty high, haha.

Laurie: One of my writers was offended by something the other writers had me say. She wants to leave and I told her I'd see what I could do for her cause she is really good - could loosen up a bit - but her material is solid. I'd like to get her in where I know she would be given a chance and the opportunity to grow.

Jimmy: What line offended her?

Laurie: The one about having an abortion shower, and the various games, food and gift bags involved.

Jimmy: Haha.

Laurie: She drew the line at 'abort the fetus from the donkey'. My writers room is completely male now, but I have an offer out to Sarah Silverman so fingers crossed!

Jimmy: Are you saying that you have an entire room of guys inside you right now? Should I be jealous?

Laurie: Oh don't worry, it's completely professional. These guys could never get laid.

Jimmy: That's how it always starts, then the orgy commences unexpectedly...

COINCIDENCE:

Co-existing in Science.

Ex. I just posted a blog in which I referenced a time space continuum. Not hours later do I click a "I Can has Cheezeburgers?" tweet only to have this photo appear:

dun Dun DUN!

I think I've made my point.

Please disregard my previous blog, it means nothing now that we know the Kitty is responsible.

It's probably just me, but I find it far easier to remain positive when everything around me is going to shit. For most people I know it seems to be the opposite. One thing goes wrong and they think the whole world is crashing down on them - One tiny problem and just like that it's "FML". I hate that. I dont see why you can't keep your fucking head up, you still have neck muscles don't you? See there is  bright side to everything. I can be bubbly and hopeful when my life is shit and be there for others when things aren't going their way as well.

But then all of sudden things are great. Life is good. It's like a sonic boom went off and now everything is suspended in the air in, floating around in a state of grace. Why now, after all these years of remaining positive do I feel so negative? I float here in my time space continuum and watch everything around me as I wait for something to drop.

I'm not sure if I like floating. At times it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. Other times I feel confused. It can feel like purgatory. You aren't moving forward; you aren't moving backward; you have no idea how you got here or why you haven't been here all along; you love it but you hate it; you want it but you don't; it's non-threatening but you are still scared; it doesn't feel real, but then again, what does?

Life is excellent and I'm too afraid of falling to enjoy it.

Dear 20-22 year old Alicia,

I wonder what you are doing right now... if I was to go back in time that is. I had a strange visit from you tonight in the form of poetry, short stories and obituaries. I think you would be happy to know that after all these years you are still just as bizarre. I wish I could remember what inspired you and where you thought you would be now. Here. In the future...well present. I bet you would have never guessed this life for yourself. I bet you would have never thought you would be so funny either. I mean we've always been funny, since childhood, but c'mon, we're are amazingly funny now. We're kinda hot too. Oh and we have red hair. We also went blond for a short time. I know for a fact you didn't see that one coming.

The next few years will be a great learning experience for you, but it isn't until now, the present time, that you will finally start to feel what true happiness is. So don't get frustrated. I mean if I could go back and change things, take some things back, erase mistakes and people I would. But I think you need to go through it in order to become me, here, in this moment.

So I guess I just wanted to say thanks and maybe hang in there. Maybe there will be a crazy glitch in the internet world and a time portal will open up for a short amount of time that will allow current things to be visible to you. You'll just be sitting there on your live journal, searching other peoples live journals, and boom - you're linked to my blog, and you read this, and I blow your mind. Maybe later, in 2006, you will get a facebook friend request from our current self and we can tag each other in photos and chat. Maybe instead of current me finding past me, past me will find current me. Now every time I see a new message notification I will take a deep breath and click it wondering if it's you.

Talk soon.

Rocket science

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Rocket science is the study of rockets, most frequently studied in the discipline of aerospace engineering and related fields.

Rocket science may also refer to:

• a complex or difficult mental exercise or field or study, used frequently in an ironic sense to suggest that a task should be easy or simple because it is not rocket science

"I've learned so much about myself in the last few hours. I've updated my facebook profile accordingly."

Babies Gallore!

 Both of these dreams occurred back to back on morning of January 5th 2011.

DREAM #1:

I am at Ash and Pat's place. This must be in the future as they have a set of 1 year old triplets. I am sorry to say but these were very ugly babies. They looked like little old unshaven men. Squinty eyed and squishy cheeked. They have asked Ami and I to babysit. I didn't feel comfortable because for some reason I feel like these babies are evil.

Ami isn't helping me because she is on the computer doing dirty cyber things with Andrew and another chick named Bianca. I'm not going to lie, I may have peaked around the corner to see what they were doing...

Anyway, these babies were getting into everything. I was trying very hard to keep up with them but I was failing miserably. I gathered them all up and we were standing at the top of the stairs. There was a baby gate but it didnt seem to matter because one of the babies pushed me through it and I tumbled down the stairs.

There I was laying there, staring up at their evil old mannish grins. Suddenly one baby threw himself down the stairs. the other two smiled and I knew they were getting ready to do the same. I screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" but it was too late, the other two came tumbling down. I knew that this was their plan to get Ami and I in trouble. I couldn't let them get away with it. So I crawled my way up the stairs screaming for Ami. Finally she came to my aid. She looked down at the bloodied limp baby bodies at the bottom of the stairs and screamed out "gahh! what did you do?!"

Ami helped me up the stairs. As I searched for a phone to call 911, Ami got on the computer and went to a site called 911 online. It made us answer 73 multiple choice questions before telling us that our best option would be to call 911. Ami laughed. I didn't think is was very funny. My main concern was not getting Ash and Pat mad at us. But it was too late. We hear the car door.

Ash and Pat come in and Ami and I try to explain. They look down and see their poor children dead at the bottom of the stairs. I close my eyes and wait for Ash to smack me. Except she starts laughing. I open my eyes to see both Pat and Ash cracking up. "What the hell?" I ask. "What?" Ash said "You thought this was our first set of kids?!" "Yeah" Pat added, "We accidentally kill our kids all the time. Now Ami, show me a pic of this Bianca Chick"

Ash put her arm around me and told me it was okay. "I know what will cheer you up" she said, "I'll show you where we hide the bodies!"

END.

DREAM #2:

So for some reason it is the early 1900's and Andrea, Ryan, Nick, Ami and I are in an old wagon being pulled by horses. It is winter and it is freezing. We believe Andrea is going into labor but she seems okay for now. However, Ami has contracted some bizarre disease and her eyes have started to bleed.

Our wagon gets stuck in the snow and we are forced to walk. I don't even think we have an actual destination but Ryan seems to know where he is going and we all trust him. Suddenly Andrea falls to the ground. Nick yells "This is it!" and whips out his rubber gloves.

With Ryan and Nick managing the child birth, I turn around to check on Ami, but she is gone. There is a trail of blood going behind some trees. I follow it slowly and cautiously. I call out softly "Ames, you okay?". The only thing I hear are Andrea's blood curdling birthing screams. As I come around a group of trees, the blood trail stops. I can't see anything other than white as the wind picks up. I turn to go back and hear a crack from above. I look up to see Ami in the tree, her face has bent completely out of shape and is covered in blood. She growls at me and jumps down. Now I am the one letting out the blood curdling scream.

Ryan comes running as Nick has his hands full of baby and placenta and Andrea wasn't going anywhere. He sees ami attacking me and throws her off. But Ami is oddly strong. She throws Ryan up against a tree and looks at him like she is about to rape him. She bites him hard in the thigh. I run at Ami and stab her through the eye with a sharp dentistry tool I found in my pocket. She is dead and her bottle fizzles away as though it had just been covered in acid. Ryan isn't looking too good.

We re-join the others. Nick uses my dentistry tool to cut the umbilical cord and hands the baby to Ryan. He gathers up all the gross flesh matter that came out of Andrea because he says we can use it as bait to trap animals later. Ryan says we can just eat it ourselves. Either way, fleshy matter in tow, we continue on our journey.

Several hours later Ryan is looking pretty rough, so is Andrea. We thought it was from giving birth but then her eyes started to bleed like Ami's. I wonder if it had anything to do with not properly sterilizing that dentistry tool? Oh well, that'll teach you to let Nick birth your baby in a snowstorm in the early 1900's. Anyway, after a while Nick and I notice that Andrea and Ryan are no longer behind us. We look back and sort of see them rolling around in the snow. It looks like they are making out hardcore. We walk back to them to tell them to knock it off and that we have to keep moving. As it turns out, they were not making out, but rather eating each other alive. The baby lays in the snow next to them screaming. We grab her and start to run.

Finally we reach a town. We dont have any money or skills, other than the ability to stab people and deliver babies. Nick decides to spread the word that the baby was an immaculate conception, so immaculate that it left no marks on me and that he was the miracle baby delivery god. This allowed us to open up a business. I ran a store up front where I sold memorabilia such as the placenta and the dentistry tool and the shoppers could get their picture taken with God's baby girl. Nick delivered babies in the back and got to play with vaginas all day long.

Livin' the dream! Oh and I don't know why, but we named the baby Sollaria... I've never heard of that before.

END.